A Typical Day of Insanity
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Most Saturdays are usually calm, quiet and relaxing. But in the X-Men's case, its a day filled with mayhem, chaos, jokes and wild shenanigans, driving everyone in the manor topsy-turvy.


**Typical Day of Insanity**

**The disclaimer saying I do not own X-Men is currently suffering major glitches due to sanity loss and incoherent gibberish.**

"Morning, Jean." Betsy greeted, as Jean nodded in response, drinking her coffee, when a loud reverberating crash occurred

"What in the name of Sarsaparilla Falls was that?" Sam hollered, as he clumsily rushed down the stairs, tripping and tumbling down the steps before colliding with a passing by Jean-Paul. "Oh mon dieu…" Northstar groaned, bracing himself…

CRASH!

"… Had someone fixed that staircase yet?" Jean finally asked Betsy, after a momentary pause. "Eh, I'm not sure. I'd thought Warren had done it last week." Betsy replied, before doing a double take. "Uh, Betsy, no offense, but I think your husband is becoming more and more like Scott." Jean commented flatly

"And just what is **that** supposed to mean? I married a millionaire, for chrissakes!" Betsy spat, Jean rolling her eyes, about to hear yet another of Betsy's infamous tirades. Outside the manor, Scott, Warren, Kurt, Paige, Lorna, Remy, Alison, Longshot, Spiral and Selene were hard at work building a new guys' house.

"ok Scott, how many feet is it now?" Warren hollered from above the roof, as Scott was measuring the grounds with a tape. "two feet, three feet." Scott commented, his foot slipping on a pebble. "oh bugger." Scott moaned, hollering maniacally as he landed flatly on top of Logan's head.

THUD!

"Gee, that's some handy-dandy lifesaver if there ever was one." Longshot responded wryly, as Remy absent-mindedly tossed his empty liquor bottle aside, where it instantly struck a paperboy in the head. The blow caused the paperboy to pedal recklessly, nearly running over a passing by mother wheeling a stroller. "MANIAC!" the mother spat, insulted.

"so, like I was saying, I married Warren because he had all a girl ever wanted; charms, wealth, fashion, finance…" Betsy rambled, her mind keyset on the reminiscent memories of her and Warren's lovelife, while Jean was fast asleep, having drifted into slumber after listening too long to Betsy's speech. Nevertheless, the sounds of Jean snoring and sucking her thumb encouraged Betsy to think Jean was listening "My goodness Jean, I'm so amazed youre enjoying this speech." Betsy sheepishly muttered. Outside the window from where Betsy was standing, she could almost see Logan being chased by a large pig, whilst he clutched a tiny piglet in his arms. Apparently, the mother pork didn't take well to see her litter being uncared for.

"Hey! Don't stand there! Help me out here! This big hunk of BLT is annoying the crap outa me!" Logan called out, Scott and the others laughing in amusement.

"well, now **that's** a racing piece of beef." Remy chuckled, in his hick accent. "Do me a favor Gambit, warn me the next time you say something that I don't know what the hell it means." Longshot deadpanned, before taking a swig of root beer, belching in Bobby's face.

"Eugh! Sam, do you mind? Where are your manners, in the barnyard?" Bobby winced in disgust, appalled by Sam's backwood hygiene nature. "Yup. Sure did, homeboy. Yeh, I once nursed a horse til she was larger than Seabiscuit!" Sam boasted, that one resulting in everyone giving him a weird, flabbergasted look.

"… sometimes, you scare me." Scott flatly responded. Sam shrugged and then unbuttoned his shirt. "Hey! This isn't a stripper joint! Put your damn clothes on" Jamie called out, before covering his eyes as Sam, now completely naked, starting running through the yard, whooping wildly. "… there is something really messed up with that guy." Scott whispered, as Warren agreed. "Yeah, its like they say: you can take the farm out of the farmboy, but you cant take the farmboy out of the farm." Remy joked

"Now **that** actually makes sense." Selene piped up, before she immediately spat out her tea on what she saw. Sam was frolicking in a large pile of horse manure, placing small manure droppings over his body.

"Oh my god…" Selene moaned

"I think I'm gonna drop my privates." Remy muttered

"I think I'm gonna go rethink my idea of losing my virginity…" Lorna grunted

"And **I** think I'm gonna cook me some pork sirloin." Logan chimed, humming as he grilled the parts of the mother pig and the piglet. "Aw HELL no!" Alison snarled, marching over toward the grill.

"What's your lady doin'?" Remy asked as Longshot watched, a wry grin on his face. "Trust me Remy, Alison's been a long-since anti-activist against pigs being sold to the slaughterhouse. And… lets say there was an incident at Oscar Mayer a few months ago, and we'll leave it at that." Sam explained

"so what happened at Oscar Mayer?" Scott asked. "Alison dropped a large safe on the foreman worker's head, when he called her calves fat." Longshot replied

While Logan was about to take a bite of his sirloin, Alison slapped him in the cheek, causing the fork to pierce the front of Logan's warehouse door. "hey! What gives?" Logan gasped

"um, Logan… haven't I ever told you why I do **not** like seeing livestock being slaughtered and made for food?" Alison wryly asked, an apathetic look on Logan's face.

"oh you've gotta be kidding me… first the two magpies are yapping in the house, Bobby and Jean-Paul are wearing out the weights of my sofa with their large rear-ends, farm hick boy is stampeding around with horse shit all over him, and crazy ol optic eyed boy and the rest of the loony bin people are succeeding in tearing **my** bachelor pad down to build a new one! Do I even **think** I need to hear all this nonsense about flipping pork grinded meat!" Logan spat, infuriated.

"so that explains it all. What do you think, Jean? Jean?" Betsy asked, hoping for Jean's reply; only to smile as Jean was sleeping on the sofa, snoring softly with her plush teddy bear in her arms. "aw, isn't that so adorable?" Betsy cooed softly, scooping up Jean as she carried her up the steps to her and Scott's room. Betsy gently laid Jean in the bed, tucked her in and planted a kiss on the cheek. Jean gurgled in her sleep before snoring, rolling over.

"aw, goodnight precious. Have a lovely snooze." Betsy whispered, kissing Jean, as she watched over her.


End file.
